Obstacles are gifts to help us grow - if we look at them that way

"With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose." 

- Wayne Dyer

I needed to be reminded of this today.  I had a pretty good day overall but a few times my mind regressed to some unpleasant thoughts about past events.  Some of my skeletons were trying to get out of the closet.  They will do that from time to time but they're never successful.  It has become my practice that when those thoughts come into my head, I just acknowledge and accept them, put them away and focus on being grateful that I learned the lesson.  

It wasn't always that way.  There was a time when I felt guilt or regret.  But once something is done, it's done. You can't undo anything that's been done or said.  It's a part of history now.  So leave it there.  If you don't, you will end up in a rut and not fulfilling your purpose.  And I do believe that we are all here for a purpose. 

So if an unpleasant thought floats into your head, own it, accept it without judgment, and file it away.  Maybe these are the little reminders we need from time to time to humble us and make us realize that we are human.  

Video - Don't Quit

There are so many people going through difficult times right now.  I hope this video will give you hope. 

Letting . . . go . . .

"I wish you the ability to let go, the ability to allow yourself to allow life to do it's thing without you attempting to control the outcomes of everything that goes on around you.  I hope that you will always be able to recognize the situations over which you truly have no control, and try to let them be, accepting the outcomes as they are, and not judging them based on what you wanted them to be." - Unknown Author

God grant me the serenity to accept the things 
I cannot change, 
courage to change the things I can, 
and wisdom to know the difference.  
Living one day at a time; 
Enjoying one moment at a time; 
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, 
not as I would have it, 
Trusting that He would make things right if I 
surrender to His Will; 
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and 
supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.  
Amen.  -  Reinhold Nieburh.

It is easier to go with the flow of life than to resist it like salmon swimming upstream.  But this can be really difficult, especially when life is throwing you curve balls and you do not know how to handle them.  It is not so bad when you are dealing with one test.  But sometimes you have not caught your breath from one test and here comes another one right after it.  And sometimes another and another until you are so off balance because you are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  It can feel like you are walking through a mine field, hesitant to take another step for fear of setting off another mine.

The more we resist, the more misery we bring on ourselves.  I am learning to accept life on life's terms, not mine.  When I do that, I am happier and less stressed. I am learning to reach the point of acceptance in all circumstances and situations as quickly as possible.  I am grateful that I haven't had to deal with a major test in a while.  Or maybe I have but I am viewing them differently so they don't feel as major.  It's hard to tell.  

I am not saying that I am perfect at this but I am getting better.  And in my prayers, I ask God for strength to endure anything that comes my way.  I think The Serenity Prayer says it all.

"No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn." - Hal Borland

I love this quote and agree with him.  But there are times when it feels like winter will never end.  When we are going through a period of time where nothing is going right, I think about what the winter season is really about.  During winter, we need to slow down, practice patience.  As we know, many animals hibernate during this time.  There have been times in my life where I wish I could have gone into hibernation.  At one point, I wished I had enough money to quit my job, go to the other side of the world and sit on the top of a mountain alone.  I did not want to take care of anyone.  I did not want to do laundry, food shopping and all the other things I was responsible for.  I just wanted to sit on the top of the mountain by myself.  I did not want to talk to anyone.  I just wanted to sit in silence.  Have you ever felt like this?

I wonder if all of us go through times like this.  The good news is that Hal is right.  After winter comes the spring, no matter how long the winter lasts.  And I think that sometimes we can help spring along.  I’ve talked about perspective in a previous post and I really believe that sometimes we make our winters longer than they need to be.  If we stay focused on all the bad in our lives, it is going to bring us down and keep us down.  But there are always good things going on in our lives and it is better to focus on them.  Wayne Dyer says that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. 

So how are you going to proceed with your day?  I hope you make it as good as it can possibly be.

The Proof of Nobility

Happiness for a reason is just another form of misery because the reason can be taken away from us at any time.

~ Deepak Chopra ~ 

How many times have you said "I'll be happy when . . ."? And how long did it take you to figure out that happiness isn't caused by external circumstances or things?  It took me a while to figure that out and I am still working on it.  Let's face it - it is easy to be happy when you have everything you need or want.  But when you don't, it is really challenging to be happy.  


My brother Larry taught me that happiness is not dependent on exterior circumstances.  He was younger than me and a crew chief in the Blue Angels, the Navy's Flight Demonstration Squadron, in 1989 when he was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.  He was 26 and was given one year to live.  He had been healthy his entire life so we were quite stunned as you can imagine. Fortunately the experimental treatment he received killed the tumor and we got 14 more years with him before he passed in 2002.


The treatment had taken quite a toll on him and he ended up being paralyzed on his left side for most of his life.  He was not able to work and spent his days playing video games (thank God for joysticks), watching TV and visiting the sick along with his wife.  He lived quite a distance from me so we talked on the phone a lot.  One day, Larry told me that he didn't have much of a life but the life he had was good.  I was blown away by that! Here was a young man who had lost his military career and his mobility telling me that his life was good.  I am sure that at some point he must have been depressed but he was able to work through it and come to the point of acceptance.  If he had chosen to live out his life curled up in a ball of depression, no one would have blamed him.  But he chose to make the most out of his situation. 


The Dalai Lama said, "We don't need more money, we don't need greater success or fame, we don't need the perfect body or even the perfect mate. Right now, at this very moment, we have a mind, which is all the basic equipment we need to achieve complete happiness." Larry figured this out.

And according to 'Abdu'l-Baha', "Anybody can be happy in the state of comfort, ease, health, success, pleasure and joy; but if one will be happy and contented in the time of trouble, hardship and prevailing disease, it is the proof of nobility. Thanks be to God that that dear servant of God is extremely patient under the disastrous circumstances, and in the place of complaining gives thanks." 


I am grateful for Larry and the lessons he taught me.  He still inspires me.  Who inspires you? 

I want to be like the crocus

I am dedicating this story to my cousin, Nancy V.  I had a lovely visit with her in Maryland last weekend and it was warm enough to take a nice walk.  As we strolled along, we talked about gardening, pruning, flowers, etc.  And then we came across some crocuses.  She told me this story about how there were a lot of crocuses in her yard that she wanted to remove.  She said she dug and dug and finally gave up because the roots were so deep.  And one year, they have a warmer-than-usual January and the crocuses came up only to be covered by snow for a few weeks.  When the snow melted, the crocuses were still there!  Some were a bit beaten up around the edges but for the most part they were fine.

Now I don't have a clue about plants and flowers.  So I was interested to hear about the heartiness of this little plant.  I thought about it for a while and decided that if I could be a flower, I'd like to be a crocus.  It's deep roots symbolize stability, strength, determination and perseverance.  Although on the surface it might look like a delicate flower, it is really quite strong.  And when buried by snow for a few weeks, it has the ability to survive relatively unscathed.


It was a reminder to me that just like those crocuses were tested by the snow, we too can feel buried by tests.  We need to be patient when we are going through our tests and trials like the crocus that patiently waits for the snow to melt.  It might take a while, but hopefully our "roots" are strong and allow us to come through and be stronger than before.

Perspective

 "Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world."

~ Wayne W. Dyer ~

It’s all about perspective, isn’t it. It’s about what we see not what others see. I took a course in psychology years ago and there was a picture in a book that has always stuck with me. Depending on where you focus, it either looks like a beautiful woman or an old hag. Are you familiar with it?  Try to find both women.

If you see a beautiful woman, you’re right!  If you see an old hag, you’re right!  But how can this be?  It’s only one image, isn’t it?  It’s where you put your focus that matters.  If you want to see the beautiful woman, you need to stay focused on a certain spot on the picture.  If you want to see the old hag, same thing.  Where you place your focus, that’s what you’ll see. 

You can apply this exercise to your life, people you know, situations, etc. You can focus on the positive aspects of people, situations, etc., or the negative.  The beauty of it is that the choice is yours. 

Never give up!

Everyone goes through periods of great difficulty—their own private hell and dark nights of the soul. It is facing whatever life sends you with courage and determination that you grow toward the stars.   Never give up!

The Buddha said "Life is difficult." But many people live their life as if it's supposed to be easy and if there is something wrong, they put all their energy towards fixing it. I think if we were raised with this awareness - that life is difficult - we would appreciate the "easy" times more. 

Does anything good come out of being easy?  Maybe. I think that most things that are worthwhile are not easy. It's like building muscle. If you want to build your muscle, you have to be willing to go through some pain first. All the wishing in the world is not going to make your muscle bigger - you've got to pick up those weights!

If you are going through a difficult time right now, hang in there.You will make it through - even if you feel like you won't. We are all tested in this life. Sometimes our tests are all lower case.Other times, they are all CAPS. Still other times, they are ALL CAPS IN NEON LIGHTS! And when you come through it, you will be stronger than you were before.You will be wiser and have a new perspective on life.That is the gift that our tests bring - if we accept them.


"The more difficulties one sees in the world the more perfect one becomes. The more you plough and dig the ground the more fertile it becomes. The more you cut the branches of a tree the higher and stronger it grows. The more you put the gold in the fire the purer it becomes. The more you sharpen the steel by grinding the better it cuts. Therefore, the more sorrows one sees the more perfect one becomes. That is why, in all times, the Prophets of God have had tribulations and difficulties to withstand. The more often the captain of a ship is in the tempest and difficult sailing the greater his knowledge becomes." - `Abdu'l-Bahá 

Prayer for Japan . . . and others around the world

Say: God sufficeth unto me; He is the One Who holdeth in His grasp the kingdom of all things.  Through the power of His hosts of heaven and earth and whatever lieth between them, He protecteth whomsoever among His servants He willeth.  God, in truth, keepeth watch over all things.

Immeasurably exalted art Thou, O Lord!  Protect us from what lieth in front of us and behind us, above our heads, on our right, on our left, below our feet and every other side to which we are exposed.  Verily, Thy protection over all things is unfailing.  – The Bab

When I woke up this morning to the devastation of the earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan, all I could think about was this prayer from The Bab. The earthquake alone is devastating but the images of walls and walls of water dragging along anything and everything in its path is hard to watch.

I'm also praying for the people in North Africa and surrounding areas where people are standing up to decades of oppression, many sacrificing their lives. And, of course, there are many spots on our planet that are going through challenges.

Two very different disasters - one caused by nature, the other by humans. One we have no control over, the other completely in our control. Deepak Chopra says, "Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future." 

I long for the day when mankind will wake up and realize that we don't have to do things because "this is how it's always been" and become a pioneer for what could be a better world in the future. There are many people on the planet who feel this way and when we have critical mass, the world will shift. Hopefully that day will come soon.

Random Acts of Kindness

What does it really mean to be kind?

A good friend of mine shared this video and I'd like to pass it on to you!  The imagines and music are beautiful. A great way to start the day!  Thanks Jane!

The art of allowing . . .

Today intend to practice the craft of allowing.  Allow life to enfold, allow others to be who they are, and allow love to flow in and out of you.  As you allow, you’ll find that you’ll be more at peace.

~ from Seeds of Intention ~

Good morning! I really like this quote.  It's a good reminder for me and I hope you enjoy it too. How many times have I "thought" I was in control of my life? How many times have I tried to control situations, people, etc.? Trying to live in a non-judgmental way can be difficult. It has been for me. We are making judgments all the time - sometimes without even realizing it. In Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, he talks about living a life of non-judgment.  Looking at life as not good or bad, fair or unfair. Life just is. 

When I viewed life as fair/unfair, I was miserable because I was placing judgments on how I wanted things to be. Now, if something happens that I'm not happy about, I try to immediately go to a place of acceptance. We never know why things happen in our lives. Sometimes, things that appear to be bad actually turn out to be a blessing. Have you ever had something happen to you or a loved one that really brought you down? And you focused on the negative aspects of it? Did it ever turn out to be a good thing in the future? It's happened to me many times. 

So today I will remind myself that there's a reason for everything that will happen today and I will just allow it. Hope you have a great day!

I forgive myself, then I move on

I forgive myself, then I move on.

You can sit there forever, lamenting about how bad you've been, feeling guilty until you die, 

and not one tiny slice of that guilt will do anything to change a single thing in the past.

~ Wayne Dyer ~

I have struggled with feelings of guilt in the past.  There are things in my past that I am not proud of. I am guessing we all have those "cringe" moments.  You know - when you think about something you've done in the past and cringe. But we are all human and I've come to believe that no matter how hard we try, we are going to make mistakes.  

It is so important to forgive ourselves. This has been hard for me at times. I have been so mad at myself for past mistakes.  But, over time, I have learned to forgive and let go. I've accepted (there's that word again!) that I am not perfect.  I am going to make mistakes and the best thing I can do is to get up, brush myself off and try to be better today. "Fall down 7 times - stand up 8!"

The past is the past. Don't dwell on it - not even for a second. Learn from it and move on. If you don't, it will drag you down like sandbags on a hot air balloon.  Cut those bags loose - and fly!

The Power of One

I posted a new video today called "The Power of One".  I really love this message.
 It reminds me of the quote from Baha'u'llah, "The earth is but one country and mankind its citizens."
Hope you enjoy it!  Have a wonderful day!

Just be yourself

"The people who like you, will like you no matter what you do. 

The people who don't like you, won't like you no matter what you do."

~ Unknown ~

I heard this on the radio one day and it changed my life. I was working in a small office with difficult people. There was this one woman that really didn't like me very much. I don't know why.  No matter what I did to try to get her to like me, she still didn't like me. I found myself spending a lot of time trying and trying to get her to like me.

Then I heard this quote on the radio and it caused me to think about this situation at work.  It was absolutely true!  I have really good friends that no matter what I do, they like (love) me. No matter how many mistakes I make, they are still there for me. But with the people who don't like me, it doesn't matter what I do, how many kindnesses I show them -- they just don't like me.

I came to realize that it was important just to be myself and accept the fact that there are going to be people in this world who, for whatever reason, are just not going to like me.  And that's okay.  I made a decision to focus all my attention on the people who love me, no matter what, rather than spend energy on people who don't like me. Life is much easier now!

Don't sweat the small (or big) stuff

‎"Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances that, in a year's time, will be forgotten by us and by everybody. No, let us devote our life to worthwhile actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings."

~ Andre Maurois ~

I spent a lovely day yesterday with a friend talking about this very topic. We both admitted to holding on to things much, much longer than we should. In the end, we are the ones to suffer. The person or situation that hurt us gains the upper hand and spoils our day, week, month, etc. while they [it] are completely oblivious. It could be someone who has passed on that hurt you and in that case, there is no way to resolve the issue.  And, as mentioned in a previous post, we can believe that we are entitled to feel the way we feel, giving ourselves permission to be miserable.

It is better to accept what happened as a simple matter of fact, completely detaching all feelings and emotions you have associated with it. This is difficult to do in some situations, but with practice it can happen. And when it does, you will feel sooo free!  

I choose freedom. How about you?

Choices . . . choices . . . choices

"The remarkable thing we have is a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past.  We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude."

~Charles Swindoll~ 

I love this quote from Charles Swindoll because it is so true. How many times do we get upset over things that we have absolutely no control over. And then we can carry it around with us for days, months, even years!  What a waste of time! I plead guilty to doing this in the past.  But I am learning that the more I learn to let go and accept, the better I feel.

Let go of the past, let go of unhealthy feelings you have for someone, let go of situations that you can't change.  As I have actively focused on doing these things, I feel more free!  It's amazing how much negative stuff I carried around like this big sack over my back. Only I wasn't Santa and it wasn't a bag full of toys. I just keep filling it and filling it with all the negative experiences in my life. I came to realize that if it got too big, it would crush me. So I got rid of it! What a relief!!

Got a bag on your back? Put the bag down!  Better yet - throw it off a cliff onto the jagged rocks below so you can never claim it again! 

Now you're not going to change overnight. I know I didn't.  It is a constant work in progress.  But the more you focus on just letting go, the easier it gets and the better you feel.  

So what choices will you make today?

Gonna wash that nest right outta my hair!

You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, 

but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.  

~Chinese Proverb~

Sorrow comes to all of us, doesn't it. There is no escaping this life without drinking from this bitter cup. But we have choices don't we. How we choose to process sorrow can be the difference of living a life of pain and misery or a life of acceptance and forbearance.
I went through a period many years ago where I allowed sorrow to pull me into a "black pit".  I convinced myself that I was entitled to feel this way. So I took sorrow's hand and let it lead the way. Sorrow can lead you into dark paths and alleys where no light can be found. It can start to eat away at your authentic self and, like a cancer, it can consume you.  If you let it. I got to the point where I lost the ability to feel and I thought that I would never experience pure joy again (more on this later).
I ultimately came out of the pit.  You want to know how?  I chose to. After many years, I decided that I didn't want to feel this way anymore and I wasn't fulfilling my purpose here on earth (whatever that is!  I'm still trying to figure it out!). So I decided to accept all the things that dragged me down. Now acceptance doesn't mean that you're happy about it. It doesn't mean you're okay about it.  It is simply an acknowledgement that it is.  Once I accepted it, I started to come alive again.  It took a while but it happened. And that joy I mentioned earlier, it happened on the day my eldest daughter got married.  Every picture of me that day glows!  I couldn't have been happier.  Not just because my daughter was getting married to a great guy, but because my joy came back. 
We are more in control of our thoughts than we think.  If you are interested in this topic, I highly recommend The  Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Fall down 7 times - stand up 8!

Well, this is my first blog.  I've been wanting to start one for a while so here goes.  I named it "Just Stand Up!" after a Chinese proverb - "Fall down 7 times - stand up 8!"  This is pretty much my life philosophy. My life experience has taught me that it doesn't matter how many times you fall down - just make sure you get up. There are always going to be things in life that will bring you down. I have had my share - believe me! I hope to get into some of that here. If you have been, or are going through a tough time right now, this blog may be for you.  It won't be a downer.  I don't believe in the pity thing.  "Been there - done that - have the T shirt to prove it!" Life is a journey. Sometimes it's great, sometimes . . . not so much. But it's all to teach you something.  I have been fortunate that through my darkest times, I have had amazing teachers. Some were members of my own family, others were people I've met along the way. I hope this blog will inspire you and will be a nice place to share and learn together.